11 Things NOT to Say to Your Kids (and Why)

What you say to your kids matters—way more than you might realize. Several seemingly harmless words have the potential to do a LOT of damage under the surface. In fact, some of the most common parenting phrases quietly wound a child in ways you probably never intended. (Even if you’ve never said these things to your kids, there’s a good chance you’ve suffered the invisible effects of your parents saying them to you.)

In this eye-opening episode, I share 11 things I never say to my kids, the neuroscience-backed reasons why, and what to say instead. I reveal how everyday language can either strengthen a child’s self-worth, or unintentionally reinforce shame, people-pleasing, perfectionism, and emotional suppression. This isn’t about perfect parenting; it’s about consciously understanding that your words and tone become the foundation of their entire future.

If you've ever wondered how to raise emotionally healthy, confident, and resilient kids without passing on your own wounds, this episode is for you.

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER:

• How your voice becomes your child’s inner voice
• Why shame is soooo damaging to identity
• Why children should never feel responsible for adult emotions
• Which phrases teach a child to suppress their emotions, mask their true selves, and equate their worth with their achievements
• All kinds of better ways to respond to your kids to help them cultivate the critical emotional skills they need for life 

AS MENTIONED:

• Brene Brown: The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting
• Dr. Becky Kennedy: Good Inside

FOR SO MUCH MORE:

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HOMEWORK:

Reach out to me via email to share your thoughts on this episode. 

COMING UP NEXT:

Join me back next Tuesday at 5am Eastern to keep unpacking the hidden sources of stress stealing your time and joy.

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Transcript

0:56

The thing I want every parent to know? is that their child's action is the symptom, the output of the stress their sweet little nervous system is feeling on the inside. It is so, so, so imperative that they never think my emotions are their fault or their responsibility to fix. We have this incredible chance to literally rewrite the narrative that our children will carry forward into the future. Welcome to More Time for Mom, where overwhelmed moms get science-backed strategies to overcome the hidden sources of stress stealing your time and joy. I'm your host, Dr. Amber Curtis. Ready to make more time for you? Let's dive in. Last episode, I talked about the power of words and how important it is to not only think positively, but speak positive things. More than that, I really emphasized what we now know that maybe our parents never did. But that is that your voice as the parent is what is wiring the child's inner dialogue. Meaning what you say and how you speak to your kids is how they are going to speak to themselves. This is such important information. I really, really want every parent out there to take this to heart. Now, that doesn't mean we're going to be perfect. We all lose our temper. We all say things that we wish we could take back. But on the whole, we need to be so, so intentional about the words we are using and even the way we are thinking about our children because they can totally sense it. Children are so perceptive and they know when something is wrong with you. In this follow-up episode, I want to offer 11 things that I do not say to my kids, and I highly, highly implore you not to say to yours either. My point in all of this is not to make you feel bad if you have ever used these sayings. It is simply to just pose an alternative and get you thinking about what you really want to stand for, what you want to convey when you speak to your children. So many women reach out to me in their late 40s, 50s, 60s, even many women in their 70s, and they agonize over learning this new information because it wasn't available when their kids were younger and they were in the thick of their parenting journey. Nothing I share is meant to shame you. We are all doing the best we can with what we have. And the crucial message that I want every woman to take to heart is that it is never too late to better understand your nervous system, heal your wounds, really address the protective adaptations that have made you respond a certain way or say certain kinds of things. That's exactly what I help my clients with. For today, regardless of how old your kids are, take a listen to what I'm about to share and think about it primarily from the lens of whether these things were said to you as a child, how that made you feel, what it made you believe, what you perhaps took on because of it. Be so gentle with yourself and I am sending you so much love. The only thing I am ever trying to do on this podcast and certainly in my coaching work is make your life better. Give you words to put to what you have personally felt and experienced and then shed light on these big real things that are going to have a lasting impact on your kids. No matter what has happened or how much time has gone by, it is always possible to heal those wounds, reconnect with yourself, and rebuild more strong, secure relationships. For each thing, I'm going to tell you what it is, and then a little backstory about my relationship with that phrase, and what the research says about it, and then what I try to do or say instead. I sincerely hope this is helpful. As I have said so many times before, I am far from perfect. I definitely have gotten and continue to get so many things wrong with my kids, but I love passing on the messages on my heart, the things that I have learned the hard way, And all these things that research really underscores are so critical for children's healthy emotional development because we are all walking around having borne the brunt and taken the toll of our parents' unhealthy emotional states. If you are anything like me, the more you realize your own traumas and these deep, deep wounds that often stem from childhood, then you too will be on a mission to ensure you do everything in your power not to pass those wounds on to your kids. I get so fired up about this because I want us to be the generation of moms that breaks these vicious cycles for good. Alright, the first thing that I do not say to my kids is, shame on you. I cringe in my body, recalling how many times that was used over me as a child. The way that both of my parents, but especially my dad, would say, shame on you, with such force and criticism. And I know now that that is, again, the way he was spoken to, and the way that parenting had been modeled to him. But we now realize that shame is such a crippling emotion that it cuts to the core of the child's sense of worth. As parents, we absolutely do get frustrated. And there are legitimately times where children make bad choices and have done something wrong. But in that case, it is so important that we know the difference between guilt and shame. I love what Brene Brown says about all of this. She is the renowned shame researcher and early into my parenting journey, I was so, just so touched by her audiobook, The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting. I will link that in the show notes so you can check it out. Highly, highly recommend. But she clarifies that guilt says, I made a bad choice. I did something wrong. Shame says, I am bad. I am wrong. Do you hear the distinction in that? There is such a difference between what someone does and the outcome that might result. versus who the child is and the way they deserve to be treated with such love and dignity, even when they may have made a bad choice. I can proudly report that I have never, never once in my almost 13 years of parenting used that phrase, shame on you. I knew from the time I was little that I would never want to repeat those words to my kids. because they did so much damage to me. I remember just crumbling and feeling so horrible about myself for hours if not days after those words were used. Many times I don't recall that I had done something Really big or bad to necessarily have deserved even feeling guilty. It was more just that that was a phrase my parents used to try and help me understand right from wrong. But now as an adult, when I think back, It's like that phrase was just used to express my parents' disappointment and because they didn't have a better and more appropriate way to deal with their own stress and I know that so much of it then inadvertently got taken out on me and my siblings. So what can you say instead? I have benefited so much from Dr. Becky's perspective on good inside. I will link her book in the show notes as well. But she speaks to a truth that I have always known deep down, which is that we are all so good. Our hearts are so well-intentioned and especially as children, all we are trying to do is learn how to navigate the world and keep our parents happy and express ourselves, especially when we feel these big feelings in our body and these intense emotions that we don't know how to process yet. The reality is that most adults today do not know how to hold and process these feelings in their body either. But of course, as adults, it is essential that we are doing the work and we are learning how to handle our emotions responsibly so that we can be alongside our children and help them co-regulate and model a good, productive way to act when we feel these big things inside. The second thing that I do not say to my kids is, I don't care. No judgment on the people that I have heard use this. And again, maybe this was something that was commonly used in your home growing up. But think about the message I Don't Care sends to children. Our entire role as parents is to care for the sweet little souls that God has entrusted to our care. And so to say, I don't care, is not just a rejection of whatever they're bringing to us in that moment, whether it's a toy or an interest or something new they learned or a problem they're having or whatever, right? Something that feels boring or inconvenient or interrupts us in the moment. But our kids wouldn't bring it to us if it wasn't important to them. So if we say, I don't care, in response to whatever they are trying to tell us, It sends the message that we don't care about them, that we don't care about their problems. We don't care about their feelings. We don't care about whatever they are passionate about. And so what are they going to do? Temporarily, they might shut down and feel rejected. But long term, then of course they're not going to come to us when they actually do have a problem or for something big that we might really want to weigh in with our advice on. OK, my almost 13-year-old just walked in, and so I want you to hear his perspective. What are some of the things I say to you all the time? You have to talk into the microphone. You have to talk in right here so they can hear you. You're allowed to be upset, but you're not allowed to hurt other people. Awesome. What else? What's something else I say on a regular basis? You have to eat. Yes, you have to eat. This is Mom's Podcast. Best podcast in the world. See you later. Okay. Love you. Have fun. Again, I know that when you have your hands full and you are dealing with so much stress in all these different areas of your life, the last thing that you have time or energy and capacity for is a child that is bringing you some toy or their meltdown in the moment about something another kid did to them or whatever it is. The tendency is so strong for us to just brush them off or when we are upset and they're arguing back and forth with us and trying to really assert their position, it is so easy to want to shut them down and just say, I don't care. But I beg you, please be careful of using those words. As with all of these phrases, we have to think about how we felt when they were used towards us, as well as how our kids might feel hearing them. Now, the other temptation in the moment is to just brush off the kid and kind of acknowledge them, but not really give them a whole lot of attention and say something like, oh, yeah, really great. That's cool, honey. But a child can totally tell when they don't have our full attention. And so even if it's something you really don't care about, let's at least give the child just a moment of our full attention or be honest and say, I really want to give you my attention, but I can't in this moment. Let's please talk about this later. Number three might totally surprise you. The third thing I never say to my kids is, you make me so sad. Or even if it sounds better, I also never say, you make me so happy. This one is so, so, so important. Research really underscores that we do not in any way want our kids' happiness or sense of self-worth to depend on the parents' approval or emotions or well-being. This might be the biggest way that I deviate from my parents. I do not want my children to feel responsible for my feelings. I am so thankful for all of the life coach training I have done and the psychology background that I have because we now know that no one else can make you feel anything. Each of us is responsible for our own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Anytime we say, you make me feel X, the reality is that that is impossible. There is always some mediating factor in the form of the thoughts we are having about whatever it is they may have said or done. So much more than that, it is really important that a child never feels the burden or responsibility of making the parents happy. Are there things our kids do that make us happy? Yes. Are there things they do that infuriate us or make us mad? Yes, but again, we have to recognize in those moments, it's not the child that's making us feel that way. There is some thought we are having in our own brain and a whole bunch of external circumstances that are contributing to us feeling however we feel. It is not the kid's fault. Rather, it is so important that we all take radical responsibility for our own happiness. Research is very clear that mother's happiness matters and that you as the mom being happy is one of the greatest predictors of your kid's future well-being, their chances of success, their mental health. It is important that they know you are happy, but they need to see you creating that happiness for yourself and processing through hard emotions while reiterating to the child that it is not their fault, that sometimes life is just hard and painful. We have to reassure them that this is our thing, not because of anything they did. I'll come back to this at the end, but let me point out here that we have to be so explicit about this. About naming what we feel and giving words, like providing the child a language to use around emotions. and around the many kinds of things they will deal with in their own lives. If we are silent or keep it all bottled up, then the child automatically assumes that it must be because of them, and that is so, so much weight to put on them. The fourth thing that I don't say to my kids is, because I said so, or because I'm the grown-up, that's why. Yes, we are the parents and the leaders and the ones that need to be making most of the decisions. But I think it is so essential that our children get to be curious and that we also help cultivate the skill of critical thinking. I want my children to push back and to be able to give their perspective, be able to make a case for what they think something should be. And then, yes, there are times where the answer is the answer and they need to comply with whatever my husband or I have said. But again, I never want to shut them down with because I said so. That is another phrase that was used all the time on me when I was little. And it just left this big question mark because I never got to understand the rationale and the logic behind their decision or command. It was always this mystery. Kids are so much more intelligent than we give them credit for. And even very young children might not conceptually understand a lot of what we're trying to say, but they definitely interpret the manner in which we are handling the situation, and the extent to which we are receptive to their pushback. On matters where my answer is the final answer or there is no room for the child to negotiate in the moment, I will say something like, that is the answer, I know you don't like it and you may not fully understand it, but I need you to trust that I love you and I am always making what I believe to be the best decision for you. Of course, then, I expect my kids to have big feelings about the answer being something they didn't like. And I will tell them over and over, you are allowed to feel how you feel, but you are not allowed to handle it this way. Another huge reason why research underscores that critical thinking is so important is because we don't want our children to just be passive or blind consumers of information. We don't want them to just follow all authority without necessarily questioning the legitimacy or the intent of that authority. Yes, we live in a community and there are often hierarchical structures where authority is passed down level to level, but I am a firm believer in the principle of subsidiarity, which is the idea that decisions should be made at the closest possible level to the situation at hand. Our children don't yet have the rational, let alone emotional faculties to make well-educated decisions that take into account the long-term consequences of their actions. But our job as parents is to help them learn that skill, to learn how to gather information, to assess the pros and cons, to think about how their choices are going to impact others. and more than anything, really understand why something is the way that it is. This is such a deviation from old parenting styles that wanted children to be seen and not heard and prioritized obedience over everything else. So I get it. I am the product of that parenting philosophy. But I will be the first to tell you that that has instilled in me this fear over getting it wrong or making anyone upset, which, as we just talked about, you're not responsible for anyone else's feelings. But I was made to feel that way. And so I have this deep paranoia of upsetting anyone. I wrestled with people pleasing for so many years, and I still wrestle so deeply with perfectionism. and thinking there must only be one right way to do anything, because when I was little, there was only one right way. It was whatever my parents said. There was no room for questioning, not even arguing, but just question and understand the situation. That was not tolerated at all. I am doing things so differently with my kids. The fifth thing I don't say to my kids is, don't you dare talk to me that way. I think you can see a common theme with many of these, but again, openness and communication and dialogue are essential between parent and child. When a child is acting out or using a tone of voice that is disrespectful or loud or angry or inappropriate, when they are being argumentative or quote unquote defiant, the thing I want every parent to know is that their child's action is the symptom, the output of the stress their sweet little nervous system is feeling on the inside. We don't have to necessarily know or understand what the child is feeling to recognize that something has made them feel threatened and they don't know how to handle that in their body. And so they're having this very aggressive fight response. I firmly believe that children should speak respectfully, but that starts with parents modeling respectful, loving, kind talk to their children, having the emotional maturity to recognize that when a child is acting out and yelling and screaming or saying horrible things like, I hate you, Their fight is not actually with you. It's that they are experiencing something so big inside of them that they don't know how to handle and they are desperate for love and support. They need us with them. alongside them in those big hard moments, rather than us escalating the conflict by responding back in an angry manner. Anger is always a masking emotion, meaning it is one of the easiest emotions to feel and to express But at the root, there is almost always something much deeper and harder going on that the person doesn't want to feel or doesn't know how to feel. Usually that is something like grief or sadness or powerlessness or humiliation. When my children are yelling and screaming, whether it's at each other or towards me, I am not perfect at this and I have definitely raised my voice in response, but more and more, thanks to this beautiful neurosomatic work that I have done, I am so much more able to regulate myself in those moments so that I respond from calm and love and then can say something like, I see how much this matters to you. I know you're really upset. The other thing I always try to do that is proven so much more effective is to speak in the positive, the affirmative. Something like, we are a loving family. We speak kindly to each other. That is so much better than saying, we don't speak to each other that way because research shows the brain always listens for the affirmative. If we say, we don't talk that way, the brain actually skips over the don't part and just hears the speak that way part. It's definitely a skill to learn to reframe things, but it's really powerful to say things that you want them to do and speak that over them as the example of what they should be doing rather than focusing on what they should not be doing. Number six is another crazy one because on the surface, this is something that I loved hearing from my parents. to the point that I still, to this day, crave hearing it from anyone that might offer this praise. But that is, I don't ever say, I'm so proud of you, to my kids. Am I proud of them? Yes, so, so much. I so hope that you just balloon up with love and pride and joy when you think of your children. We have all the more reason to feel good things towards them when they do do something that pleases us. It's human nature. We can't help it, right? We do like them more when they do something we like. But it can actually be very psychologically damaging to say, I'm so proud of you. Because what research shows is that then the child starts to look for that praise, and again, is tying their outcome, whatever they did or produced, to whether you are proud of it, instead of focusing on how the process made them feel, and whether they personally like the result. The reality is that should matter so much more, arguably only at all. I confess that I've messed up on this many, many times, and it is so natural to want to say, oh, I'm so proud of you, when I see them working hard, when they bring me one of their art creations, or they score a goal in soccer, or they get good grades, or whatever it is. But we have to be so careful. that our response is not causing the child to equate their worth with their achievements. This was one of the vicious, vicious things that happened for me as a child and I see it with so many other women. where we just wanted our parents' love and attention. Maybe it was withheld from us in other ways. Maybe our parent was physically absent or emotionally unavailable. But then when we did get attention and it was positive, like through praise, We just became addicted to the dopamine that that gave us and we've been chasing that high more and more ever since. Which is why it is so important not to start that addiction in our kids by saying that they made us proud. So, what do you say instead? Especially when your child asks something like, hey, do you like my drawing? It is so helpful to turn the question back to the child and say something like, what do you think about it? Or, tell me about what you did. Do you like this? Research shows that getting kids thinking about the process they went through and really tying their effort to the result can help them build confidence and self-esteem and all those great qualities that I know we all want our children to have. I don't even know if I can bring myself to say this seventh thing because I have such an aversion to it, but the seventh thing that I do not say to my children is, shut up. I hate, hate that phrase. And actually then I have to catch myself because I'm always telling my children, the only thing we are allowed to hate is the devil. You cannot like everything else. Let me rephrase that. I do not like that phrase. Shut up. It is so hurtful, so abrasive, and so demeaning. It is saying to the other person that you don't want to hear what they have to say. That might be the case, but there is always, always a kinder way to say it. So, of course, then I've tried to model for my kids saying something like, please be quiet and really use their manners so that they are saying please instead of the angry, be quiet. Because even be quiet can be kind of harsh. A lot of times I will just say something like, thank you, I hear what you have to say. The eighth thing that I do not say to my kids is, be a big boy or be a good girl. Now, I only have boys, but this message applies regardless of gender. We should never say, be a big boy or girl, because our children are children. We can have high expectations for them, and we can encourage them to grow in strength and virtue, but we should love and treasure their childlike tendencies as long as we can. I spoke previously about the big realization I've been having about how one of the reasons I get so triggered is because I didn't get to just be a child. I didn't have a choice but to be super responsible and hyper aware of everything that needed doing hypervigilant about everyone else's emotions, always walking on eggshells, being on guard for the next big bad thing that might happen. So again, yes, it's so sweet that we want to help our children grow and mature. But when we use language like, be a big boy, we are essentially telling our children that they can't be a child or that there is something inherently wrong with being a little child. How many of us now just wish we could go back to being more like a child or had gotten to actually enjoy our childhood? Similarly, we should never say something like, be a good boy or be a good girl, because that is directly tying their worth and their goodness to what they do, when it should be innate and natural and automatically there, no matter their behavior, no matter their actions. Now, yes, there are objectively good and bad morals and lessons and virtues and even actions that we do want to instill in our children, right? We want them to follow the good path and cling to the truth and do what is right. But again, tying that to their very identity, to who they are, that can do some long-term harm. And so instead, we can just say how we want them to be. Like, could you please use your words if they are just whining and crying and using baby talk? Could you please use your manners? The ninth thing I do not say to my kids is, we can't afford that or we don't have money for that. We all have a financial story. We all have a host of messages that we received from a young age about money and wealth and spending choices or what was valuable or not. It is so clear that many of us were imbued with this scarcity mindset, thinking that there's never enough to go around or that money is somehow immoral or wrong, that we are bad to have it or that we shouldn't. if we grew up in very poor households, as I sure did, then it creates this sense of defeatedness, where we think that what we want is unattainable and not in the cards for us, instead of actually pausing to think about, one, whether we should really want this thing to begin with. Is it a good, valuable thing? But then secondly, and much more importantly, how could we afford it? What I am always saying to my kids instead is just that. Instead of saying, no, you can't have that. We don't have the money. I say, tell me more about what you want, and then what's your plan for coming up with the money? This gets them thinking strategically and creatively in an entrepreneurial fashion where they are looking for ways that they can do jobs or earn money. It doesn't make what they want off-limits, which has the added benefit of then reducing the thing's appeal. Because we all know that when you're told you can't have something or you can't do something, it makes you want it all the more. then we tend to develop this unhealthy attachment to it that could manifest as greed or obsession with worldly things or shopping and retail therapy as a coping mechanism. There are so many ways in which almost all of us have an unhealthy relationship with money. One of the ways that I am trying to very explicitly avoid that with my children is help them see that money is just money. It's just a neutral tool. It only symbolizes the exchange of value that you are willing to pay for what you are getting in return. Money is not inherently evil. It is the love of money that is evil. And while money does not buy happiness, it is a necessary part of life. So I want my children to be very smart with their money and good financial stewards of whatever financial resources they happen to acquire. Always happy to speak more on this, so send me a note if you are interested. The 10th thing I don't say to my kids is stop crying. I know that when kids are emotional, we get so triggered. Especially if the kid is unconsolable, they're having a whole meltdown. All the more if it's in public, it is. really hard to hold space for their emotion. But my overarching message, and the one I hope you take as well, is that all emotions are allowed. All feelings are valid. If they are crying, I want them to be able to express whatever needs to come out for them to then self-regulate and get through the stress response they are having in that moment. Something big is going on under the surface. They might not have words for it, but tears are so important. Tears are so cathartic. New research even shows that tears have a different weight and a different chemical composition depending on the emotion that provoked them. So angry tears are different than sad tears that are different than grief tears and so forth. It's so incredible that we are learning all of this. It underscores that crying is one of the natural ways that we can release all the pent up emotion that builds up inside of us. So I really want to equip my kids with not just permission, but space to do that. The message is that them being emotional doesn't push you away. It doesn't change your composure. It doesn't change their access to you. If anything, when you recognize that they are emotional, we should get all the more close to them and come alongside them to help them co-regulate until they are more able to self-soothe. Now, each of my boys has very different personalities. Some of them are more quick to cry and always have been. And they all seem to want different things from me when they are crying. But again, the point is that I'm not shutting it down. I'm acknowledging that I see they are upset. A lot of times I will say something like, I'm here with you. Can I help? Is there anything you want to talk about? More often than not, I just try and give them a hug because we all know that we can't take away someone else's pain, especially if it was something hard that happened with another person. I can relate and I can empathize, but I wasn't there and I don't know exactly how it feels for them. Even if it seems like something that shouldn't be that big of a deal, I really want to keep my judgment out of it and just be with my child and let them know that their tears can come. They are allowed to cry. I personally think this is all the more important for boys to learn because many past generations of men were told very opposite things like, They are weak if they cry, or they need to suck it up, be a man, or that boys don't cry. So many men have been sadly deprived of the ability to understand and relate to their own emotions, and then that makes them even less able to understand our emotions. So then women get seen as too emotional, and it's a whole big thing. Let me know if you agree or disagree, but I firmly believe that all emotions should be expressed, that all emotions are valid, and that emotions are just our body's beautiful way of telling us something is really important to us and we need to slow down and be with the feelings until they fully process through so they don't just get repressed and stuck down in our bodies long term. On that note, there is so much research now showing that stuck trauma and stuck emotions just resurfaces as chronic health problems later, which is why it is so important that we all express our emotions as soon as they come up, and neither we nor our children ever feel like we have to censor our emotions or change how we feel and put on a happy face just to be socially accepted. The 11th thing that I do not say to my kids is, I'm fine. This goes back to what I was saying earlier, but kids are so perceptive. They are reading our facial expressions, our body posture, our tone of voice. They also just sense our presence. Do we feel good and easy to be around, or are we tense and upset? Kids know when something is wrong, even without us verbalizing it. Very often in those moments, a kid will come to you and say, Mommy, what's wrong? Or, Mommy, are you sad? especially if you are a high-achieving, perfectionist, people-pleaser like me, you've been conditioned to always say, I'm fine, regardless of who is asking. You don't want anyone, not even your children, to know that something is wrong, let alone maybe the big, real thing underneath. But here's the problem. When we brush our kids off, even when we're well-intentioned and we don't want to burden them with what's actually happening, all we are doing when we say, I'm fine, is shutting them out. We are closing ourselves off and becoming emotionally unavailable to them, which leaves them with a million questions. And again, in the absence of information, Their sweet little brain is then going to assume that they are the problem. They must have done something. Even if they don't think it's their fault, they will naturally take on this beautiful desire to try to make you feel better unless we can explicitly tell them. I'm having a hard time. I am feeling really sad or mad or whatever right now. It is not your fault. I love you and it's okay that mommy feels this way. We all do sometimes. Pain is a part of life, but I will get through this. Those are the words that I love to say to my children because no, they don't need to know all the intricacies of what's going on in my job or my marriage or my crazy brain, right? But they deserve to have language to put to the emotions that they can sense I am feeling. And it is so, so, so imperative that they never think my emotions are their fault or their responsibility to fix. All right, each of these 11 things is something I feel very passionate about, something I have learned the hard way. Most of these are phrases that were overused in my childhood, and I would be willing to bet for you as well. But here now, in our motherhood journeys, we have this incredible chance to literally rewrite the narrative that our children will carry forward into the future. We can give them the beautiful words, the understanding, and the permission To express themselves, especially express their emotions, their true authentic self, to grow in confidence, and to believe in the depths of their being, that they are loved and worthy for who they are, not what they do. I would love to know how this episode lands for you, whether you agree or disagree, if any of these phrases felt controversial, if there are any I missed, other important things you think we shouldn't be saying to our kids. Send me an email through the link in the show notes, and I would love to have a deeper conversation. If any of these phrases triggered you, or they are things that are part of your common vocabulary with your kids, then use the link in the description to book a free 60-minute consult call and I would love to talk more. Also, if any of these phrases brought up big unresolved emotions from your childhood, that's where I am especially here to hold space, so don't hesitate to reach out. Your homework for this episode is to pick one of the new alternatives I offered to start saying to your children anytime that situation arises. Share this episode with every other mother you know so that we can all use the most positive, loving, affirming language with our kids. Join me back next episode to keep unpacking the hidden sources of stress stealing your time and joy. Until then, remember nothing you do and none of the words that were spoken to you as a little girl change how wonderful and worthy you are. Have a great day. I know more than anyone how precious your time is, so the fact that you spent it listening to this podcast means the world. Make sure to subscribe, and if you got value out of this show, I would be so honored if you'd leave a review and share this episode with another busy mama who needs to hear it. We've got this.