The Most Important Mindset Shift You’ll Ever Make as a Mom & Why SMART Women Stay Stuck

This episode is feisty in the best way. Too many moms—and the smartest ones at that—succumb  to the trap of two vicious, popular mindsets that prevent them from taking true control over their own life and happiness. I want so much more for you! I want you to experience the profound mindset shift I did, realizing that investing in yourself is the GREATEST thing you can do—and not just for you but for your kids.

I wasted years of my life crippled by the lie that there must be one perfect way to be and that if I worked hard enough, I’d get there. Even once I finally saw the wisdom in not trying to do it all yourself, I still approached getting help in all the wrong ways. Now I see there’s a third, alternative truth that I can’t wait for you to adopt as well.

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU'LL DISCOVER:

• Why learning does not equal growing—and in fact often keeps you stuck longer
• How a consumer mindset trains you to believe the solutions to your problems can be bought and distracts you from the real root of your stress
• Why YOU are the greatest asset to not just your own life but your family’s life as well
• How personal and financial risk is necessary for growth, not something to avoid—and how ensure a return on your investment even if you “lose” your money
• You don’t need more information; you need to invest in more support to grow your confidence, capacity, and calm

AS MENTIONED:

When you start healing at the level of your nervous system, your whole home feels the difference. Join my new 6-week program, Moms Made NewTM, to learn the six most fundamental life coaching skills EVERY mom needs so stress no longer sabotages you—or your relationships. First round starts Friday, January 16th; sign up at https://momsmadenew.com

HOMEWORK:

Notice whether your daily thoughts and actions signal more of a student, consumer, or investor mindset. Really consider adopting more of an investor one. Email me or DM me on Instagram @solutionsforsimplicity to share your thoughts. If you’re ready to really invest in yourself so your whole family can flourish, sign up for a free consult at https://tidycal.com/solutionsforsimplicity/free-consult)

 COMING UP NEXT:

Join me back next Tuesday at 5am Eastern to keep unpacking the hidden causes of stress stealing your time and joy.

CONNECT WITH AMBER: Website | Instagram | YouTube | LinkedIn

Ready to finally get to the root of your problems and change your life FOR GOOD? Book your free 60-minute consult to learn more about working 1:1 with Dr. Amber.

Transcript

0:00

Today we are talking about the most profound mindset shift ever. My great hope is that you will never be the same after hearing this episode. Welcome to More Time for Mom, where overwhelmed moms get science-backed strategies to overcome the hidden sources of stress stealing your time and joy. I'm your host, Dr. Amber Curtis. Ready to make more time for you? Let's dive in. Today, I'm going to paraphrase the most powerful, eye-opening mindset shift I have ever had thanks to one of my own incredible coaches. I don't take credit for this concept, but all of what follows is in my own words. It's my interpretation of how she completely blew my mind, and I have never been the same since. I want that for you. I want you to be as shaken by these distinctions as I was so that you stop being a passive observer and start taking the reins of your one precious life. No one teaches you this in school. In fact, our society would love nothing more than to keep teaching you to be the exact opposite of who you need to be. It all comes down to this. There are three different approaches to life. As I describe them, really think about which one has been your default and, of course, whether you want that to continue. The first is the student mindset. A student learns to be studious, to sit quietly, take in information, check all the boxes on the syllabus, and if she works hard enough, get that coveted A in the class. Better still, doing such a good job, she becomes the teacher's favorite. A student is there for the grade, not to become someone different, and certainly not to become her own authentic version of herself, but to become the cookie-cutter output of a system that prizes standardization and following the rules. not asking too many questions, not thinking too far outside the box, and certainly not disrupting the classroom environment, let alone the status quo of society at large. You might love learning like I do. I went all the way through six years of grad school to earn my PhD and even to this day am a college professor. tethered to the modern education system. And yet, the more you learn, the more you realize there is to learn. So you get stuck in the endless loop of thinking you don't yet know enough to take action, to apply and integrate what you have learned. You end up feeling worse because you think you're missing some elusive key ingredient for success. In adulthood, this looks like signing up for free content, and binging YouTube videos or buying a whole library of personal development books? I wish you could see me because I am so guilty. My office is crammed with bookcases full of such things. It looks like developing routines and chore charts and trying to plan out your life just so, so it conforms to the vision of success you've been taught. You're on an endless hunt for the answer to your problems, but all you find is more potential answers. Meanwhile, your problems get worse. Yes or yes? The second very common mindset is that of the consumer. A consumer trades hard-earned cash for something you need or want. Every relationship is transactional, where you expect to get a good deal. We've all heard the golden rule of business where the customer is always right. So as a consumer, you not only expect, but self-righteously demand to be served in the most privileged way. Another aspect of the consumer mindset is the belief that external things hold the key to your health and happiness. The idea that you can just buy the answer to your problem. Except you rarely realize the real underlying source of your problems. And as I've profiled multiple times in previous episodes, the brain gets hooked on the dopamine of anticipation of getting the thing, then feels bored and unfulfilled once it has it. Cue the vicious cycle of addiction where you spend and spend, chasing a feeling that you never actually find in what you buy or consume. As adults, this looks like adding the latest greatest thing to your Amazon cart, convinced that will alleviate your present pain. It looks like consuming alcohol or sugar or short-form content because it temporarily distracts you from what's really wrong. Then it's over and you just feel worse, so you do it even more, or maybe turn to something else, but never look inside yourself for the answers. Another huge factor to the consumer mindset is a concept called risk aversion. It's shown over and over again in psychology and behavioral economics that people go to great lengths to protect what they have and fear risking or losing them, even for the prospect of something bigger and better. While of course this applies to spending behavior, it also looks like not spending money because the discomfort of your current problems feels less painful than the possibility of failing if you try to change. It's a subconscious trap of holding onto your current situation, your current problems, because you're not 100% sure that they really could be better. Whether because you don't trust others, you don't trust yourself, or you're just a realist who knows we can't ever predict the future. The most profound thing my coach has ever conveyed to me is that your brain will always prefer the certainty of failure to the uncertainty of success. No matter how bad things feel in the present, your brain holds onto it because at least it's known and predictable, compared to who knows for sure what'll happen if you take a chance and change. The third alternative mindset is that of an investor. An investor takes what she has and seeks more, not because she's ungrateful for her current blessings, but because she sees so much potentiality, the unrealized chance of all that could be, and wants to bring as much of it to fruition as possible. She's not averse to risk. She knows that without great risk, there can be no great reward. But of course, she tries to take smart, calculated risks, investing in the things that are predicted to bring her the highest return. She knows holding on to what she has only costs her in the short term, just like putting your money in a bank account actually reduces your savings over time because of inflation. If you put your money under your mattress or leave it sitting in a standard bank account, your purchasing power goes down because you did nothing. You didn't invest your capital to protect it. Now, of course, there are different types of investors, like someone who delegates all investment decisions to their financial advisor or online brokerage. But the smartest investors, the most wealthy, well-known ones like Warren Buffett, are extremely hands on. They educate themselves about the chances. They make strategic decisions about where to put their money. They make the decisions. They're active about the process. And they go into it knowing they're going to get something out of the investment, whether it's a financial return or not. Even if they quote-unquote lose their money in the short term, they know the long-term benefit could be huge. And even if they lose it all, they know they'll gain invaluable information that'll help them make smarter decisions the next time. With this lens, you know you'll get a return on every investment because you'll either win or learn. There's no such thing as real loss unless you refuse to take risk or refuse to extract valuable life lessons from your quote-unquote failures. As an adult, being an investor means seeing yourself as the biggest determining factor of not just your, but your family's success. The more you pour into you, the more energy and love you have to pour out to those you love, the better and happier you become, the better and happier everyone around you does too. You are the number one asset of your own life. And if you are a mom, I'm going to go ahead and just say it. You are the number one asset of your kid's life, too. It's not that dads don't matter, just that research repeatedly shows moms are the emotional regulators of our households, and mom's mental health is what determines kid's success. If I sound fired up about this, I am. I see mom after mom neglecting herself, ignoring her own needs, and not the superficial self-care ones advertisers are so good at getting you to drool over. I mean your real emotional needs. You think it's noble to put everyone else first, but you can't put a price on your emotional health, especially considering how it's the number one predictor of your kids' future well-being. I care about you too much to let you think you can keep going the way things are, to let you think you can just figure this all out on your own. For you to not invest a little bit of money in yourself so you take the coaching and everything you do afterwards really seriously. For you to not get a taste of the incredible life that's waiting for you and your family on the other side of saying yes to help. I've said it before and I will say it again. I am going to fight for you the way I wish someone had fought for me when I had no clue about the real roots of my stress or how to actually make things better. For 41 years of my life, I was crippled with a student mindset, convinced that there was one perfect way to do everything and that if I just worked hard enough, I could get there. If I just kept looking, I'd find the solution. Except, every solution I found myself just kept me stuck in the same old vicious cycles, spiraling deeper and deeper into stress and grief. Then I started to see the value in paying for help, so I bought my first set of sessions with a different coach after comparing the prices and packages of several different ones, basically going with the one with whom I got the most number of hours for the cheapest price. Can you see how that was a consumer mindset? It was only last year that I shifted my whole perspective thanks to this new coach. Thanks to this new coach, I have such conviction that pouring into my own brain and body is what benefits my family the most. Such confidence that I will get value out of whatever I spend my money on and such determination to find any and every way to get my hands on the coaching I know I need to keep growing into the best me I can be. I am never trying to tell you what to do. I simply want to invite you to consider an investor mindset, to invest in yourself for the betterment of your whole family. Whether it's with me, whether it's with someone else, just know you have the power to do incredible things. You don't have to wait. You don't have to waste all the time and tears I did trying to figure it out yourself. You've got this. If you are wanting to work with me, now is the perfect time. We are just days away from doors closing on the first round of my Mom's Made New program, six weeks of transformational life coaching, where I will teach you the most powerful tools you need to understand your brain and body so stress no longer sabotages you or your relationships. Link in the description, but we start Friday, January 16th. If you're finding this episode after that date, just get on the waitlist and you'll be the first to know when registration reopens. I am on such a mission to make sure every mom has these tools. because I have experienced firsthand what a difference they've made for me and seen them help my clients over and over as well. Your homework for this episode is to be on the lookout for whether your daily thoughts and actions currently signal more of a student, consumer, or investor mindset by default. I urge you to really consider adopting more of an investor one, whether you invest your precious time and resources with me or someone else. I am so here cheering you on and it would be my great honor to share everything I have learned through years of struggle and study with you so you get the same incredible results that much faster and with so much less heartache. Join me back next episode to keep unpacking the hidden roots of your stress that are stealing your time and joy. Until then, remember nothing you do changes how wonderful and worthy you are. Have a great day. I know more than anyone how precious your time is. So the fact that you spent it listening to this podcast means the world. Make sure to subscribe, and if you got value out of this show, I would be so honored if you'd leave a review and share this episode with another busy mama who needs to hear it. We've got this.